Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
