allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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