garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
