i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
