im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
