I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
