walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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