Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Text me some of your sweat
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
