so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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