you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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