Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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