ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
