Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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