take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I need to calm my uterus...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
