i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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