My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
