Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
