we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sext me about skeletons
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
