if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
