I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
