My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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