I cockslap morals
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
