we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
