Fuck appropriateness.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
