David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
