I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
