I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
