He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
