like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
babies were throwing up all over the place
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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