just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
