i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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