you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
