Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
