mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
