I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
