If i come over, it means nothing
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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