Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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