You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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