the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
wow bdsm is so cute
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
