opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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