please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
