There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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