New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
