I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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