Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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