Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
