I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The power of my boobs compel you
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
