kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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