3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
