You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i think my cat just said my name.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
