You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
