I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
