i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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