3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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